As progressive as society claims to be when it comes to identity, sexuality and sexual awakening, there is still a lot that needs to be overcome when it comes to reimagining how sex is perceived as taboo. Today, we touch on the double standards that continuously appear in sex culture and why exploring your sensuality is important in the road to eradicate sex taboos and especially if we, as a society, truly want to progress.
The sexual double standards (SDS) consists of heterosexual men and women being perceived differently despite approaching their sexual desires in the same way. The double standards surrounding sex can be harmful because it feeds into the idea that the female body is solely there for the man’s pleasure. This is why some men merely see women as an ‘object’ that they can masturbate with. Such ideas are a product of the system of oppression that is sexism. Think about it, when it comes to discourse or encounters on virginity and sexuality, we see that men are often praised for having multiple partners, yet women are made to feel like they are losing something. Furthermore, where men are frequently pushed by those around them to lose their virginity (often at a young age) and in turn prove how much of a ‘man’ they are, women are left in a ‘double-bind’ situation, meaning that either option they choose may result in undesirable consequences for them and their reputations. Ultimately, women are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.
Sexual liberation has slowly but surely contributed to the manifestation of traditional sexual double standards and how they are expressed in more subtle ways. For instance, premarital sex has become increasingly accepted in society. Though there are some limitations because “hook-up” culture allows men to casually express their sexual urges with little to no judgment, and at times, talk down on or boast about the women they have been with, with no one to check them. Women aren’t afforded this luxury outside of their close friends circles. Rest assured, we aren’t saying that everyone should be bed hopping, of course there should be some balance, however there is no disputing that sex shaming harms women a lot.
Instead of attaching shame to sex, thereby making it taboo, it is important that we embrace and explore our sensuality. Exploring our sensuality especially as women starts with how we feel in our own body and ultimately developing a language where we can express how things feel beyond just saying “good” or “bad”. There is a clear difference between being sexually active and being able to focus on and/or actively seek out your own pleasure. Young women who are sexually active often fall into this category. To combat this, it would help for us to shift our understanding of sex. Instead of it simply being about having intercourse, it should also be about having an orgasm with your partner. Destigmatising sex will allow us to remember that beyond the basic function of reproduction, this is an activity that we perform because it makes us feel good.
One way to destigmatise sex is by exploring sex acts (consensually and within your own boundaries of course), regardless of reputation. Women should be able to enjoy sex and talk about their enjoyment just as men do.
